Hi, Ann and Mitt

You two hit it out of the park with Wolf Blitzer today.  I hope Ann will feel well enough to be more visible in the campaign.  She is the secret weapon.  She is warm, sincere and believeable and hasn't flip-flopped on anything.  She is so smooth and down to earth, it practically forgives Mitt for being a bit stiff and aloof.  Stick to your guns, be tough and the nomination is yours.

Holiday Greeting to Iowa Republicans

Oh come, all ye faithful conservatives,  playing kissy-face with a bunch of primary contenders who have absolutely no chance of beating Barack Obama.  Think of him as Brer Rabbit and you just threw him into the briar patch.  The guffaws from The White House are already echoing across the Potomac.   This election is going to be about the economy, people.  You will have a decent shot at the White House with Mitt Romney, but no chance at all with clowns like Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and Ron Paul.  I have no idea what it will take for you to wise up.  Probably you won't and we will have four more years of Obama  and likely that will not be so bad.  But shame on you  for screwing up your shot at the White House with nutty social issues that matter little in the context of what our country is facing.  Merry Christmas.

Memo To America

Romney is too elitist and too rich and Newt has too many sins and too many ex-wives.  How in the world are these pathetic republicans going to pick a candidate?  And let's stop all the hand wringing about the disparity between rich and poor.  The solution is easy.  Everyone who reported income of over half a million dollars in 2010 must give up half their net worth to form a national pool to be distributed pro rata among people who reported in 2010 income of less than $30,000.00.  This done, everyone will be back on an even playing field and both rich and poor can feel good about themselves, especially the rich, at this holiday season.  Remember that Jesus said to the disciple who wanted to know how he could be saved, "take all that thou hast and give it to the poor and come and follow me."  Merry Christmas.  I reserve the right to announce my candidacy afer New Year's.  And thankfully, I've got better hair than Donald Trump.

Ant Hill Politics

The current republican nominee field looks like an ant hill that got kicked by the Tea Party. This year's party richly deserves the 50 year achievement award. This is the biggest republican fiasco since Goldwater ran against Johnson in 1964. For a quick rundown, Herman Cain has more concubines than the illustrious King David of old. Newt is the Grinch who stole Christmas. Bachman makes me long for Sarah Palin. Huntsman is one too many Mormon. Perry has decorated his Christmas tree with Mexican illegals. Paul is our 21st century Harold Stassen. Romney has the best smile and the best hair. He's on the cover of Time magazine with an unflattering article about why republican conservatives don't like him. It's high time for a young, good looking real conservative like senator Marco Rubio of Florida to rise to the top of all this republican sour milk. Rubio has wisely kept a low profile and would prove very appealing to republican conservative primary voters. Rubio is smart and genuinely conservative. Happily, he is not given to getting his tongue stuck under the chair wheel of whatever left leading TV anchor or newspaper pundit is interviewing him.

Memo to Marco: It's time you give this a shot. Republicans who get their news from Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh and think the John Burch Society is a church have crippled the rest of the field into a gurgling mass of war horse droppings.

Republicans Determined to Re-elect Obama

The giant sucking sound you hear is the Tea Bangers flushing themselves down the toilet. The latest anti-Romney gig is "Newt the Poot." This guy has more baggage than a cruise ship and he is so "yesterday." He was the Scrooge that shut down the government and assured the re-election of Bill Clinton. Herman Cain doesn't know where Lybia is and Rick Perry can't remember which government departments he plans to abolish. Michele Bachman is just another screamer. I never thought I would yearn to bring back Sarah Palin, but I am there. Come back, Sarah, and join the Romney ticket. It isn't that I want the Republicans back in power. But I do think there are some benefits in having a two party system. The Tea Bangers have screwed up the deficit reduction Super Committee and set us on a course for financial ruin. Congratulations, all ye lunatics. You should have to wear all the no tax increase pledges pasted to your foreheads like the scarlet letter. Collectively, you stink to high heaven. Will someone please bring the Lysol spray?

Goodbye, Herman Cain

Dear Herman,

We are sorry to see you go but it looks like your snake is cooked.  However, you are entitled to our gratitude for all the comic relief you have provided.  First it was 9-9-9.  Then it was the electrocution fence for the Mexican border.  And now we have you as Don Juan deBozo.  But if you were half as good at seduction as you are at flapping your trap, these poor women would not be complaining.

So long.  We sure are going to miss the laughs.

Memos to Republican Candidates

To Herman Cain: Thank you for being you.  The Lord observed in scripture that it is the nature of most men when they get a little power to exercise unrighteous dominion ver their fellows.  You are a perfect fraud with your amazing grace and your pathetic response to the sexual harassment charges.  The least you can do is have the restaurant association release all their files on the payoffs and hush money. Give it up, douche bag.  You're finished.

To Marco Rubio:  That was really a dumb stunt to exaggerate your exile status. But it probably won't ruin you if you get all the facts out now.  

Kendall Smith Carson Feb. 9, 1979- Oct. 31, 2002

Kendall died 9 years ago today.  He would now be 32.  He was like a shooting star.  He was fluent in several languages and made a name for himself working on Bill Galvano's campaign.

We love you, Kendall, and miss you every day.

Chase 'em and Fleece 'em

Thank you, Rick Perry, for proposing yet another scheme to make the rich richer and screw the rest.  The voters are not as dumb as you think.  That's why you're sinking in the polls.  You are wasting Texas money and our time.  Give it up, you dumb sucker.

Memo To Rick Scott:
Wise up and give Mitt Romney an early endorsement.  You won't matter after he's won a couple of primaries.

Memo to Marco Rubio:
You're the smartest kid at the playground by keeping your head down and your mouth shut.  In this posture, you're unlikely to get your foot in your mouth.  Let the lunatics blather away about abortion, immigration and gay marriage.  Keep your own counsel and you will be on the short, short list for VP when Romney wins the nomination.

Iowa Faith and Freedom Caucus

This so called caucus should have been called the 'Angry White bigots Forum.'  All the candidates have to favor fencing off the border with Mexico yada yada yada yada, but the contest to see who can take the most fascist position on abortion is sheer lunacy.  No one doubts that abortion is ugly and repulsive leaving permanent scars on all concerned.  That said, teen sex and unwanted pregnancies are an unfortunate fact of life.  Roe Vs. Wade laid out a pretty good approach: the girl and her family get to decide.  The wealthy and the middle class automatically have the right to choose, they simply go to a place like Canada where abortion is legal.  The so-called evangelicals in effect seek to take from the poor the ability to choose.  Statistically, the poor are more likely to suffer unwanted pregnancies. We should let the Herman Cains, Rick Perrys and MIchele Bachmans fight out this idiocy.

Rick Perry's Silly Attack on Romney's Alien Employment

Jesus famously said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Assuming that using the services of an illegal alien is a sin in 21st century America, most if not all of us are guilty and none should dare throw so much as a feather, let alone a stone. Who can say that he or she has never slept in a hotel room prepared by an illegal alien? Who can say that his grass or hedge has never been clipped by an illegal alien? Who can say that he has never eaten a meal that has been prepared by an illegal alien? Indeed, who can say that he has never eaten from a plate just washed in a back kitchen by an illegal alien? Governor Perry is a world class dink for his performance on Tuesday night. He richly deserves the contempt, derision, and oblivion that will shortly be visiting his campaign. Bye bye, Rick Perry. Good riddance.

Ignorant Bigots Unite and Show Us The Dark Side of The Republican Party

Reverend Robert Jeffress has not taught us that bigotry, ignorance and fear are alive and well in the so-called evangelical christian movement. He has only reminded us. His assertion, joined by the equally ignorant Herman Cain, that Governor Romney is not a Christian merits the contempt of all God fearing people. The First Article of Faith of Governor Romney's religion states, "We believe in God the Eternal Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost." Another Article of Faith reads, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent and in doing good to all men." We would be fortunate to have a President who believes these things as a matter of religious conviction. Mormons also belive that the day will come when every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ. For a fair minded and brilliant analysis of the religions that most impacted America in the twentieth century, see "The American Religion," by Professor Harold Bloom, a Jewish literary critic and professor at Yale University.

Republicans Unite Behind Romney

To paraphrase a witty Jamaican aphorism, it doesn't take much of a brain to figure out it makes no sense to swap a loyal dog for a monkey. If the republican idea is to win back the presidency, it is high time to stop playing ring around the roses, pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs with a bunch of monkeys who can't possibly win. Monkeys like the Alaskan moose hunter, the Texas private hunting club owner, Michele Backgammon and Herman McGarlicPizza. I met Romney more than 35 years ago in Belmonte, MA at the baptism of a mutual friend. Subsequently, we vacationed with mutual friends at a resort in Vermont. It poured rain the entire week so we all got to know each other pretty well. We both had very young children and keeping them entertained was a challenge. Mitt was tall, good looking, funny and scary smart. We have kept in touch across the years. I saw him and his wife, Ann, for example, the day he took over the disaster ridden Salt Lake Olympics. Not much has changed except our greying hair and that our children have children of their own. He's still scary smart and comes from pioneer Christian stock. One of his direct ancestors entered the Salt Lake valley with Brigham Young on June 24, 1847. Hear ye, all republicans with a genuine yearning to reclaim The White House: Show the monkeys a polite exit and rally behind the only guy who can win: Mitt Romney.

Ken Star Asinine Ego Trip Award

This award goes to the prosecutor of Dr. Conrad Murray. If Murray's patient had been Michael Jones and not Michael Jackson, no one would have ever heard of this case. I hope the jury sticks the propofol up his backside, as they should.

Plessey vs. Ferguson Racism Award

This award goes to California Republican college students who sold cookies at prices based on race and gender.  They deserve a Republican "jackass award" also, but that's already been taken.

Pizza Man Romps

Congratulations to Herman Cain for winning the Florida straw poll. He's a deep dish with garlic and onions, and full of baloney. Keep it up, Herman. It's great comic relief.

Book of Butts

Last night's review by Anderson Cooper of the Book of Butts suggests a wonderful political possibility. I am prepared to publish a coffee table book of political butts, to qualify the politician must have already shown his or her butt. I know this sets the bar pretty low, but this makes it more fun. The front cover is easy, that would be John Boehner's butt, and the back cover would be Mitch McConnell's butt. All candidates for the Republican nomination qualify with ease, especially Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, and Michele Bachmann. Sarah and Todd Palin are easy picks. So is son-in-law Levi Johnson who is a toss up center fold along with senator Scott Brown. Please add your own nomination. I am sure I have over looked many qualified candidates.

The Tragic Story of Troy Davis and Mark McPhail

Last night, Troy Davis was executed for the 1989 murder of off-duty policeman, Mark McPhail. Over the years, some witnesses at Davis's original trial have changed their story. At the time of the trial, the jury took only an hour to find Davis guilty and only two hours to impose the death sentence. Davis maintained his innocence to the last. Likely we will never know the truth. Meanwhile, the hand-wringing pundits, especially CNN, have missed the real comic tragedy that so sadly holds up our criminal justice system in death penalty cases to richly deserved ridicule by people around the world who have been endowed with at least half a brain. What a ridiculous system it is that could keep this case ping pinging through the courts for twenty two years. To add injury to insult, the US Supreme Court kept the execution on hold at the last minute for more than three hours while the justices finished their dinners, massages and pedicures. The Constitution guarantees the right to a speedy and public trial. Sadly, it does not guarantee timely implementation of the sentence. The execution of Troy Davis was a barbarism unbecoming of civilized people. Without addressing the thorny issue of whether the death penalty should be abolished, the twenty two year wait and last night's three hour wait certainly constitutes cruel and unusual punishment for Troy Davis and his family and for the family of Mark McPhail. Shame on all the lawyers and judges who have tortured the tragedy of Davis and McPhail for 22 years and 3 hours.

Note to Rick Perry

The Jewish homeland is pronounced, Is-ry-el, not Izral. Please feel free to call me with any other pronunciation difficulties that you have. You have to get on top of this because Romeny make pick you as his running mate when he wins the nomination.

The Winning Ticket

With the Tampa debate, the winning Republican ticket comes into sharp focus. If the Republicans really want a shot at Obama, the ticket is Romney and Perry. They can run as "Slick Fix 'Em" and "Yosemite Sam." 'Slick' will appeal to moderate Republicans, Independents and Democrats who think private sector experience is an important Presidential quality. Meanwhile, 'Sam' can corral the Tea Bangers, angry white chicken wing eaters and southerners who still haven't gotten over the idea of a black president from Kenya. That should be a winning combination in the primary and the general election.

Tea Party Debate

Readers,
Please let me know who you thought was scarier, the candidates or the audience?

The Audience:
Looked and sounded like a bunch of angry white losers of the chicken wing eating contest.

Herman Cain:
Pizza man for President. Youve got to be kidding.

Mitt Romney:
Has the credentials and charisma to run against Obama, but sinned against the Tea Party by expanding health insurance in Massachusetts.

Rick Santorum:
Liked by the Tea Party, but a bit scary for the rest of us.

Rick Perry:
The rhinestone cowboy plays it a little loose with contributions and political favors and really thinks social security is a ponzi scheme.

Jon Huntsman:
Has the credentials and looks to run against Obama but sinned against the Tea Party by granting drivers licenses to illegal immigrants.

Michele Bachman:
A voice screaching in the wilderness. Imagine listening to that for four years?

Newt Gingrich:
He's so "yesterday."

Ron Paul:
21st Century Harold Stassen.

My 9/11 Story

In the early 1970's, I was a lawyer at Cravath, Swaine and Moore with offices at 1 Chase Manhattan Plaza.  From my room on the 57th floor, I had a window on the World Trade Center, then under construction.  The buildings literally rose up in front of me.  Years later, I had the fun of taking my children to the observation tower on top.  In September 2001, my son Kendall was a missionary in Panama and I was scheduled to travel there and bring him home.  After the Trade Center was bombed, all commercial flights were grounded for several days.  When planes were allowed to fly again, I did not know whether I should try to make the trip to Panama.  My friend and colleague Luis Fernandez adamantly insisted that I should continue with my plan to fetch Kendall and practically pushed me out the door to catch one of the first planes allowed to fly after 9/11.  I then had two wonderful weeks with Kendall traveling in Panama and Guatemala where we saw the Mayan temples and palaces at Tikal.  These memories are especially precious as Kendall later died in an accident while studying abroad in Spain.   Thank you Luis for encouraging me on to Panama.  

Polite Company

I was raised in a small, stiff upper lip, Mormon community in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. We were outnumbered by Baptists and Methodists. But all of us, Baptists, Methodists and Mormons alike were taught not to discuss religion, politics or sex in polite company. My sisters have perpetuated these taboos throughout Eastern North Carolina, especially in places like Chapel Hill and Mount Olive. A brigade of nieces and nephews have carried the flag as far away as Hawaii, Arizona, Mississippi and countries across the globe with their missionary efforts. The taboo against religion, politics and sex is obviously modified to provide a waiver to discuss orthodox religion.

The decades have mellowed me to believe that religion, politics and sex are the only things worth conversational effort. By way of example, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry and Jon Huntsman are busy one-upping each other on the piety scale. The House Republicans are busy playing dangerous political games with our economic future. Only President Obama is tackling sex by encouraging marriage between men and women in any combination they chose. It is obvious to all that religion and politics have been getting us nowhere, leading me to wonder if we should tackle our woes with a renewed and vigorous effort to improve our sex in quality and quantity? I believe we have nothing to lose and maybe much to gain. At least everyone will be smiling again. And that alone would be worth the price of admission.

The Beast Roars, We Should Applaud

Paul Begala has "hit the Dick on the head" and exposed Cheney's rusty old nine inch nail.

Check out his article written for The Daily Beast here:


http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/09/07/dick-cheney-s-memoir-is-a-love-letter-to-himself.html

Note to Republican Senators And Congressmen Boycotting The President's Speech Tonight:

You sorry jackasses apparently think you were elected to high office to behave like a bunch of alley cats in a small cage. You are an angry pimple on the face of the body politic and come November 2012, we will lance your putrid asses into the toilet bowl. Your only chance is to grow up and adopt a behavior standard at least equivalent to high school seniors. For specifics on how this might be done, keep checking this blog and post requests for instructions on civil political behavior designed to help you clowns actually adopt legislation.

Thank You, Dick Cheney

For those of us who always suspected that you were a cyst on the crack of the Bush Administration, thanks for removing all doubt with your wonderful book.

Note To Dick Cheney

The three most important words in the English language are, "I made a mistake." You are a real putz for claiming rectitude for all you did as Vice President.

Happy Labor Day

All Democrats get the day off, while the Republicans are busy with their accountants calculating how much it costs to give the day off.

A Word to the Wise

Ask yourself if you could deliver the message to Garcia.

Getting A Message To Garcia by Mark Gorman

Over 100 years ago, a brief article was written to fill an empty space in a magazine which was otherwise ready for publication. This seemingly insignificant work, about a soldier in the U.S. Army, has since become one of the most published documents in the history of printed word. "A Message To Garcia" has been translated into every major language on earth, with over 100 million copies in print. What was the significance of this article, which caused such a stir around the world?

In 1899, a man by the name of Elbert Hubbard wrote an editorial for a small magazine called The Philistine. Over tea, Hubbard was discussing the Spanish-American War with his family. Everyone had been cheering General Calixto Garcia, the leader of the Cuban rebel forces, as the key to winning the war in Cuba, when Hubbard's son, Bert, put forth this argument. "In my mind", ventured Bert, "the real hero of the war was not General Garcia, but Lieutenant Rowan, the man who got the message to Garcia." His son's words leaped in Hubbard's heart.

Hubbard wrote the article, "A Message to Garcia" and the edition went to print. He thought little more about it until the magazine began getting requests for re-prints of that particular edition. More and more requests for re-prints came in until the magazine was literally swamped. Puzzled by the overwhelming number of orders, Hubbard asked why people were interested in that particular copy of the magazine. He was surprised to learn that the demand was for the "filler" article he had written about Rowan. Orders came in for 100,000 copies, 500,000 copies, 1,000,000 copies. Eventually, Hubbard was forced to simply grant permission to those who wanted large numbers of re-prints, because of his limited ability to publish in those quantities. Why are so many people interested in an article about some unknown lieutenant by the name of Andrew Summers Rowan? The reason is: everyone is looking for individuals such as Rowan.

In 1895, the little island nation of Cuba was struggling to be free from Spanish rule. The Spanish soldiers who occupied the island oppressed and brutalized the people. They desperately wanted to be free. The United States had a strong interest in Cuba, not only because of its geographical proximity to the United States, but also because of our financial investments there. By 1897, the situation in Cuba had deteriorated to the point that there was rioting in the streets of Havana between nationalists and Spanish soldiers. President McKinley dispatched the battleship Maine as a visible indicator of the United States' presence in Cuba. The American battleship, sitting in Havana harbor, sent a clear signal to the Spanish government of our country's resolve to protect our interests in Cuba. Although a formidable presence, the Maine did not engage in any hostile act against Spain.

On February 15, 1898, however, an explosion rocked the Havana harbor sinking the U.S. battleship. The American people were greatly alarmed over this open act of aggression less than 100 miles off our country's coast. McKinley sent an ultimatum to Spain to get out of Cuba. By April, the United States was at war with Spain. Ultimately, the Spanish-American War proved to liberate, not only the nation of Cuba, but the Philippine Islands, as well.

Just before declaring war, President McKinley was meeting with Colonel Arthur Wagner, head of the Bureau of Military Intelligence for the United States. "Where", asked President McKinley, "can I find a man who will carry a message to Garcia?" Co-operation between the rebel forces in Cuba and the United States was essential to the success of the campaign. It was vital to quickly communicate with the leader of the rebels, General Calixto Garcia, a Cuban-born Creole. General Garcia was somewhere in the mountains of Cuba leading the rebel troops in their fight for independence. He was a hunted man by the Spanish army. No one knew his exact whereabouts.

Colonel Wagner did not hesitate in his answer to the President. "I have a man - a young officer, Lieutenant Andrew Summers Rowan. If anybody can get a message to Garcia, Rowan can."

An hour later, Col. Wagner stood before Lieutenant Rowan. "Young man," said the superior officer, "you must carry a message to General Garcia, who will be found somewhere in the eastern part of Cuba...You must plan and act for yourself. The task is yours and yours only." Col. Wagner then shook Rowan's hand and repeated, "Get that message to Garcia." Without asking one question, Rowan left to find Garcia.

Rowan delivered the message to Garcia and the response got back to McKinley without Rowan ever asking, "Where is he? What does he look like? Who are his contacts? How do I get there?" He simply took the orders and did what he was asked to do. Is there a Rowan among us? Is there somebody who can get a message to Garcia without having to do an interrogation of his senior officer first? Is there someone who can get the job done without needing to have his employer hold his hand until the task is completed? If not, the boss might as well do it himself.

Is there somebody that I can just ask to accomplish a task, and the next time I see them I am told, "I'm finished with that. What do you want me to do next?" Where can I find someone like that? Where is he? Can I find a Rowan? Is there someone who can get a message to Garcia?



Essential reading for colledge students, Jewsish and Christian saints and all who aspire to be saints or even pretend sainthood and politicians and those who aspire to be politicians.

The Source, by James Michener
Atlas Shrugged, by Ann Raynd
No Man Knows My History, by Fawn Brodie
No Ma'm That Ins't History, by Hugh Nibley

Awards continued...

Screaming Grizzly Award:
To Sarah Palin, who screached a speech to the Iowa Tea Party. Imagine having to listen to the screamer for four years??

The Godly Chess Award
To Christianmingle.com, which tells you, "It's your move, not God's."

More Awards

Idiot Raffle Award
To Arizona County Republican Party that is raising money by raffling off a Glock pistol like the one used to shoot their Congresswoman, Gabrielle Giffords.

Bible Inerrancy Award
To religious sects that run boarding schools for girls and discipline them with physical abuse based on bizare scriptural interptretations.

Public Official Idiocy Award
To the Governor, Attorney General and other state officials who say they have no authority to investigate allegations of physical and mental abuse in relgious boarding schools.

Current Awards

Nice Surprise Award:
Rick Santorum, with whom I disagree on almost everything, had a great CNN interview where he spoke movingly about his committed Catholicism and his family's decision to carry to term a baby they knew was impaired. I won't vote for him for president, but his stock with me for the republican nomination took a big bounce.

Big Wind Award:
Governor Rick Perry, who blew his own sail into first place with a storm of piety and little substance.

Oops, Made A Mistake Award:
Governor Mitt Romney, who realized that he had goofed in rejecting an invitation to take part in Senator DeMint's debate for republican nomination contestants. He reversed field and decided to participate afterall.

Sandbox Play Nice Award:
To the President and the Speaker for quickly settling their childish crap about the scheduling of the President's speech.

Let Them Eat Cake Award:
To Congressman Eric Cantor, for demanding budgetary offsets as a condition to fund FEMA's assistance to victims of Hurricane Irene.

Take On A Good Cause Award:
To Lois Frankel for running against Congressman Allen West, the Tea Party's Palm Beach County jackass.

Keep 'Em Guessing Award:
To Sarah Palin, the undeclared Republican candidate who is making gobs of money teasing the Tea Party and the Republican right wing about her candidacy. In Sarah's inner circle they call this, "Operation: Show 'em a little leg."

Stink Book Award:
Christine O'Donnell for her pius isntruction on same sex orientation and other social and political conundrums.

"Mormon Lite" Award:
To Governor Jon Huntsman for claiming a more spiritually diverse life than his cousin, Mitt Romney.

Politics a'brewing

Oscar Wilde would have loved the Republican Primary. He would say such contests are possible because the rabble always prefer piety and superstition and there are plenty of politicians willing to dish it out while the noble in heart cling to science and truth. Witness the rise of Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman and Rick Perry. More classic examples include the Salem Witch Trials and the Spanish Inquisition. Oscar would have also said, "Stop laughing. This is not funny."

Obama To The Rescue

Dear President Obama,
We never realized until now how much we need you. You took a short trip to Martha's Vineyard and we have an earthquake, a hurricane and no one can find Ghadafi. Please hurry back to The White House and straighten out this mess.

Sincerely,

Your friend shaking in his Stubbs & Wootons

Republican Nomination

For Jon Huntsman to say that he would be Michele Bachman's vice-presidential running mate if she won the nomination and asked him, is right up there with Nathan Hale's, "I regret that I have only one life to give for my country." Thank goodness Bachman is not going to win the nomination and poor Governor Huntsman will be spared walking that particular plank. Remember Thomas Moore's condemnation of Richard Rich: "Your soul, Richard, but for Wales?" Attorney General for Wales was the bribe Henry VIII gave Rich to condemn Moore as objecting to Henry's assuming authority as head of the church.

Governor Huntsman needs more fasting and prayer on this one.

Dominionism

We all should be grateful to Governor Perry and Michele Bachman for bringing up the subject of Dominionism. I think it will become important to know the views of each candidate on this important subject. Please write me back if you have any information on any candidate's stand on Dominionism.

National Poem

We have a national anthem, a national bird, national parks and a national debt. My nomination for the national poem is this revised version of the poeom "The President's Statue and the Promised Land," by Alan Dundes:

Five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly five thousand years later, Ronald Reagan said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Now George W. Bush has stolen the shovels, kicked our asses, raised the price of Camels, and laid waste to the Promised Land.

I'm very open to suggestions. Please post your own nominations.

Metaphor of the Week

Last night, on his 360 episode, Anderson Cooper read a fan's comment that watching him have a giggle fit was like watching a unicorn fart rainbows. Imagine what would have happened if Charlie Crist had grown a horn in the center of his forehead and farted rainbows. John McCain would be President, and Charlie would be John Boehner's best friend.

$2 Gas

Michelle Bachman is raising the stakes by promising $2 gas. This should not be taken lightly, as she has more intestinal gas than the proven reserves of Utah and Massachutets combined.

Doodlebug's Debut

Six decades ago, Barry Goldwater gave us, "None Dare Call It Treason" and Joe McCarthy was rooting out State Department commies. Now, Rick Perry is calling it treason and Michelle Bachman is drooling corn dogs. Anthony Weiner is making the world safe for flashers and Todd and Sarah Palin are bringing back wide ties and big finned cars. Thank you Republicans for taking us forward into yesteryear.