Republicans Determined to Re-elect Obama

The giant sucking sound you hear is the Tea Bangers flushing themselves down the toilet. The latest anti-Romney gig is "Newt the Poot." This guy has more baggage than a cruise ship and he is so "yesterday." He was the Scrooge that shut down the government and assured the re-election of Bill Clinton. Herman Cain doesn't know where Lybia is and Rick Perry can't remember which government departments he plans to abolish. Michele Bachman is just another screamer. I never thought I would yearn to bring back Sarah Palin, but I am there. Come back, Sarah, and join the Romney ticket. It isn't that I want the Republicans back in power. But I do think there are some benefits in having a two party system. The Tea Bangers have screwed up the deficit reduction Super Committee and set us on a course for financial ruin. Congratulations, all ye lunatics. You should have to wear all the no tax increase pledges pasted to your foreheads like the scarlet letter. Collectively, you stink to high heaven. Will someone please bring the Lysol spray?

Goodbye, Herman Cain

Dear Herman,

We are sorry to see you go but it looks like your snake is cooked.  However, you are entitled to our gratitude for all the comic relief you have provided.  First it was 9-9-9.  Then it was the electrocution fence for the Mexican border.  And now we have you as Don Juan deBozo.  But if you were half as good at seduction as you are at flapping your trap, these poor women would not be complaining.

So long.  We sure are going to miss the laughs.

Memos to Republican Candidates

To Herman Cain: Thank you for being you.  The Lord observed in scripture that it is the nature of most men when they get a little power to exercise unrighteous dominion ver their fellows.  You are a perfect fraud with your amazing grace and your pathetic response to the sexual harassment charges.  The least you can do is have the restaurant association release all their files on the payoffs and hush money. Give it up, douche bag.  You're finished.

To Marco Rubio:  That was really a dumb stunt to exaggerate your exile status. But it probably won't ruin you if you get all the facts out now.