Politics a'brewing

Oscar Wilde would have loved the Republican Primary. He would say such contests are possible because the rabble always prefer piety and superstition and there are plenty of politicians willing to dish it out while the noble in heart cling to science and truth. Witness the rise of Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman and Rick Perry. More classic examples include the Salem Witch Trials and the Spanish Inquisition. Oscar would have also said, "Stop laughing. This is not funny."

Obama To The Rescue

Dear President Obama,
We never realized until now how much we need you. You took a short trip to Martha's Vineyard and we have an earthquake, a hurricane and no one can find Ghadafi. Please hurry back to The White House and straighten out this mess.

Sincerely,

Your friend shaking in his Stubbs & Wootons

Republican Nomination

For Jon Huntsman to say that he would be Michele Bachman's vice-presidential running mate if she won the nomination and asked him, is right up there with Nathan Hale's, "I regret that I have only one life to give for my country." Thank goodness Bachman is not going to win the nomination and poor Governor Huntsman will be spared walking that particular plank. Remember Thomas Moore's condemnation of Richard Rich: "Your soul, Richard, but for Wales?" Attorney General for Wales was the bribe Henry VIII gave Rich to condemn Moore as objecting to Henry's assuming authority as head of the church.

Governor Huntsman needs more fasting and prayer on this one.

Dominionism

We all should be grateful to Governor Perry and Michele Bachman for bringing up the subject of Dominionism. I think it will become important to know the views of each candidate on this important subject. Please write me back if you have any information on any candidate's stand on Dominionism.

National Poem

We have a national anthem, a national bird, national parks and a national debt. My nomination for the national poem is this revised version of the poeom "The President's Statue and the Promised Land," by Alan Dundes:

Five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly five thousand years later, Ronald Reagan said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Now George W. Bush has stolen the shovels, kicked our asses, raised the price of Camels, and laid waste to the Promised Land.

I'm very open to suggestions. Please post your own nominations.

Metaphor of the Week

Last night, on his 360 episode, Anderson Cooper read a fan's comment that watching him have a giggle fit was like watching a unicorn fart rainbows. Imagine what would have happened if Charlie Crist had grown a horn in the center of his forehead and farted rainbows. John McCain would be President, and Charlie would be John Boehner's best friend.

$2 Gas

Michelle Bachman is raising the stakes by promising $2 gas. This should not be taken lightly, as she has more intestinal gas than the proven reserves of Utah and Massachutets combined.

Doodlebug's Debut

Six decades ago, Barry Goldwater gave us, "None Dare Call It Treason" and Joe McCarthy was rooting out State Department commies. Now, Rick Perry is calling it treason and Michelle Bachman is drooling corn dogs. Anthony Weiner is making the world safe for flashers and Todd and Sarah Palin are bringing back wide ties and big finned cars. Thank you Republicans for taking us forward into yesteryear.